Love, like a diamond, has many facets

I will be damned.

 I’ll be damned for being sure Fineas is in love with Ysabelle, for he told me he was fond of me. I asked for honesty, and honesty I got. Yet, I do not believe him. I do not want to believe him.

I’ll be damned for teaching to be honest with your heart, for I hide things to myself. I do not know if the sight of Ysabelle overwhelmed me because of Love, true and sheer love, or simple care. But I wish it is the last one. I wish it with all my heart…and yet…

I’ll be damned to not let myself go when I can, even if the night and the morning turned out to be marvelous.

I’ll be damned to be foolish enough, still loving Master.

I’ll be damned to care for them so much, even to forget myself.

Caught in the eye of the storm

I look at people with a head high, but inside I am at a loss. I’ve been caught at my own game, and I fear I do not know how to win this time.

Alkaiser found out to be much more tender than I thought…even if I still feel like I am not at my place. My head has to make decisions instead of my body, and my will won’t flinch.

Ysabelle…such a flower. I grow more and more fond of her, even if I fear it is not the same for her. I am such a fool to give myself in this, but it seems I can’t help it. I do care for her, I do want to see her happy. If it is love? I do not know. I just wish it is not. Everything is already complicated as they are.

Fineas…Partner. The guy just can’t get over with the two. I don’t have any word to ease his pain and it angers me to be the one he keeps joking around with it. We had an argument yesterday, I was trying not to get killed with centaurs stomping me while telling him the truth about the “Prince”…and, again… Joking about Alkaiser. How could I tell him that it’s not my business, that I’m very sad for him but that I can’t push Ysabelle in his arms because he wants to…

 I’m really, caught in the eye of a storm.

Contemplation over Life, Love and Strength

And so I have been to Shattrah City.

 The words are weak to describe the joy I have felt when I set foot in this marvelous land. I have seen free Naaru (the only way they should be) blessing their Children, the Dranaei.

I am sure, one day, I will be granted as one of the Scryers. This is my goal, my duty and my Life.

Lord Alkaiser summoned (well, not him per se, anyway) the members of the Silverguard to behold this piece of heaven. Many were shocked to the news he delivered…Achates looked afraid (…again…) and miss Fandaleen looked much more interested in the city itself (she wanted me to buy her specimen…!!!) I do not know how it will be from now on, but at least I can breathe.

After a fight in the tavern, we went back to Silvermoon. I then confessed to My Lord that I knew this…all along. I gave him my life, sure he would take it. Strangely enough, he didn’t. I… I don’t know what to think about it.

Let’s just wait and see.

No road leads to somewhere

And I am in the middle of it…as a figure of speech. They all came to talk to me about their mutual problem: Love.

 As far as I knew until recently, I was not in the problem per se; I knew all that was going on, but I was never involved.

Did I mention, until recently…

Alkaiser found out to be much more … interesting than I thought. Not only he believes in the Scryers and wants to follow them (Or so it seems…I need some proof on this. But I believe in him.) but he also found out to be more caring than I thought… Or not, actually I don’t know anymore. He … told me liked me. Or not, I don’t know either. Maybe it is just lust, I wouldn’t be surprised…I even hope.

With him, Ysabelle, (Oh because I didn’t mention, he is in love with her also.) Fineas who kept being negative (I understand him … ) and Alkaiser playing with my mind… I… I just don’t know anything anymore.

Maybe it is easier to just love Master, even if the love is not mutual…

Never play with fire in a forest.

I hate, hate when I am in the middle of a love affair.

 Especially when I’m not the one involved.

Ysabelle is confused between two men. I understand her though; when a woman has the choice between security and dangerous pleasure, it is always hard to choose. I know I would be the same as she is… in fact, I see a lot of me in her, and it fascinates me.

 I warned her about the danger, and now it is her decision and she knows I’ll be there for her, but I was afraid something bad would happen. She took more than her share of ale, and Alkaiser was in a similar situation. I didn’t want her to have the decision made for her this morning, and I tried to warn her over and over. Maybe it was percieved as overzealous, but I know too well those mornings, and I do not wish it for anyone. If you want to make a mistake, at least do it sober, that’s what I say.

Fineas came to my rescue again before he went to sleep. Geez, at this rate I’ll look like the damsel in distress… It is frustrating.

And that brand of the Silverguard is a pain… so many thoughts sent to me yesterday,  I had a horrible headache and I had to leave the Faire alone.

Speaking of Faire, I’ve seen Fandaleen (who looked much much more normal) and mister Achates. I don’t know if he hates me, or if he is really, really that nervous… But I know now that Fandaleen is very nice when she doesn’t speak about gnomes. When she does she looks just weird. And frightening…

Stranger than fiction

I met milady Ysabelle, miss Fandaleen and mister Fineas (Partner, should I write?).

Fandaleen was speaking about some experiment with…gnomes and whatnot. And then mister Alkaiser stated something about Tauren and … why am I writing this anyway. Miss Fandaleen is very nice, but I think she might had a bad, bad, bad accident with her spinning hat.

Fineas… He’s nice, a bit too macho, but nice really… but a Blood Knight. I try to look as nice as possible, but he seems happy of his sinful condition. One day….One day he will understand. They will all understand.

Ysabelle… I haven’t seen her in so much time that I embraced her in greeting. I know I should not be so…open, but I couldn’t help it. I truly care about her (About the others also but… I don’t know) and I wish her the best.

 Speaking of which… Alkaiser.

 That… jackal. A beautiful, sinful, intriguing jackal. Cannot deny the fact that is charming and interesting, but I know he runs too many rabbits at the same time. What should I do? I clearly do not know…

 I must admit I like his arrogance.

Silverguards

I haven’t been able to sit down and actually think for myself lately. Between training with my “partner” Fineas, becoming a member of the Silverguard (Master wanted me to… I am not sure it is a good idea…but we will see) and desperately trying to speak to Master, my days have been full. Full for everyone else, but not for me… I can’t wait to start sewing again… or just sit around and talk to people I can just…sit and talk to.

 I knew I had to make sacrifices at the beginning, but I didn’t think it would mean to be alone in a crowd… But I’ll survive. I will!

The First Trial

It took a second to almost destroy my cover­.

The so-called Knight that sent me on the Trial had a good reason to smirk. As soon as the candle was lighten, I heard a voice behind me. “Let’s see if that cute face can also fight…Let’s see if there is some Blood Knight in you!”

 He attacked me when I was still facing the Altar, I had just the time to kneel fully so the blow was taken by my sword, still strapped on my back. Anyway, we fought for a moment, and then he smirked coldly at me.

“So you are a Blood Knight.” he growled at me. I … I don’t know what took me, but I stabbed him, pushing him on the wall of the grotto and told him simply “I am no Blood Knight. I’m a Paladin.” He simply blinked, as surprised as I was and died… At first, I thought everything would be fine, he was dead, I was alive, no one heard me…

 But I had to go back to Silvermoon and report what happened. No need to say I was angry at the Knight. And then, all smiling, that … bastard asked me to go down to where the Naaru was…and to take his power to resurrect the fallen Knight.

 I panicked.

I quickly went out, almost crying. I could not resurrect the man, I could not! I thought. But then… Master quickly pulled me in an alley appearing from nowhere. I looked at him completely helpless, trying to tell him quickly what was happening. His eyes, his way to talk… No one could take him for something else than a Priest of the Light… and a fervent one.

He dropped some leaves into the bottle and pushed it quickly toward me, saying gently that it would make him forget a good chunk of the night. And that I should not worry about the Naaru, that He would understand my reasons. So…I went back to the chamber.

 It was horrible.

I quickly took what I was asked and went back to the inn where the envoy was. It..went well, considering I was shaking like a leaf and that my voice was trembling.

 I wish it would be easier…

Too many things at the same time

I have met recently two very kind ladies, Milady Fandaleen and Milady Ysabelle. Fandaleen is kind and caring, two qualities I haven’t seen in my kin for a long time. She is also able to … do things to the mind I think with a hat, or something, go figure!

Ysabelle… Tormented might be the best way to describe her. There is… something in her eyes that I cannot put my finger on it. It seems she is in love with a Troll named Kaste, yes a troll. Well, I would not date one of his kin per se, but I have no objection to it! He seems a bit… weird, but caring nonetheless.

 Ysabelle and Fandaleen helped me to find a dress for the ball of the Silverguard, I think it is their alliegeance. Everything went well, well..until the said ball. Too many talking at the same time, the man who was supposed to be my “date” has been late (His name is Achates, very nice but really, really nervous. I saw him a time ago with his demoness also), Kaste being harsh toward a man and I am not sure if he was wrong in it…Anyway. I’m not sure I would join them any time soon, believe me.

 And on top of that, I have to go to my First Trial tomorrow. It seems fairly easy, to light a candle on an altar. But the smirk on the Blood Knight was disturbing…I better watch out.

Breaking out

Master and I talked about the recent events. He told me about the Naaru again, how horrible and humiliating it was for him to be shackled and ripped of his powers. I understand Master in his quest more than ever. We have to stop this, it is our only hope for the Light to forgive us…

He asked me then to become a Paladin, well… a “Blood” Knight. Blood. Again that word… I hate it. It sounds wrong, and evil. Of course, the whole concept of stealing from a Naaru is evil. They all are…

 Anyway, I accepted after a moment. Master told me that if I would pray hard enough, this sin would be forgotten once I become a Scryer. It was all I needed to accept.

We forged a new life for me, one that would be more suitable for the Blood Knights. I cut reluctantly my curly blonde hair -I already miss them!- and died them a dark red so no one could recognize me. Actually, it worked pretty well, I even shrieked in front of the mirror the first time I saw myself. That made Master laugh.

 From now on, Hesperanzia Rhetenor is dead. I am Chrysalis, and I am changing to become better. May the Light forgive me for my sin.