I have made many travels, and the last one brought me to Nagrand. What a wonderful scenery! The skies, the hills, the waterfalls! Even those Furies (One for each element) were a regal for me.

On the other hand, I am very worried about Verrin. He doesn’t seem inclined to see me, and even apologized about it. I don’t know….something’s going on.

 I didn’t see Meadhbh in a long, long time also. Gosh…am I loosing everyone?

I have been arrested for the murder of my Dearest, and the worst of it all is that I can’t prove my innocence. I would have prefer to die instead of getting released to help the Blood Knights maintaining their hold on M’uru. But… the one who gave my name to the authorities needs help desperately; Durgan has returned. The spirit who haunts Mazikeen took over Verrin’s body again and did…. horrible things… to his host and those around him. He took Meadhbh’s daughter, Ceara, got me beaten and almost blow my cover, raped….Verrin with the help of bastards…

Why so many do not care and just plan to kill Verrin? He needs help, support, not anger….

Alright it is hard not to be angry at Verrin, granted. I know I will have a hard time the first time I will see Verrin… but I have to stand up, and push everything aside. Durgan will pay… and I’ll be there for my Verrin.

Note: I need to speak to Rystei soon.

I have lost so much these days that I had not the will to write it down.

I haven’t seen Fineas in ages, I assume he is dead.

I have lost Verrin -not per se, but the words I feared came out of his mouth- it is for the best…his best.

My dearest…I lost my dearest again. Ysabelle died in flames from an unknown assassin.

I also lost my mind in the process for a time…sinking into a blissful madness, where everyone was my enemy, a betrayer. It didn’t last long, but…still…it happened.

All of this happened.

 I want things to be alright again…is it so selfish? I would like a cease fire, a moment of calm, so I could be alone, but peaceful.

I wonder if I will be able to keep up and not crawl into a dark room for a century. Seems nothing is working right, and when it does, it seems almost worst.

The Silverguard is no more. Maybe for the best… but I feel alone.

Verrin said he loves me…but he cannot choose and is mixed up and there is nothing I can tell him to help him.

Ysabelle got married…bounded her soul to Kaste when the said groom is also mixed up in his feelings. I… I got mad at her because again I learned the thing by incident, I know I made a mistake but… why can’t someone tell me frankly, and delibaretly something for once… And I truly wanted to be with her a bit… I know I am selfish but I can’t help it.

And if I am not selfish once in a while, I will just stay alone in my corner, I guess. That is what my teacher told me, a long long time ago: When you listen, people hardly want to hear you.

Master summoned me for an audience tomorrow. I wonder what will happen…

I recieved many gifts lately, that I will cherish forever, even if it’s a big word, I know I will always think of them.

 From a wonderful man who showed me care and attention when I needed most,

From a lovely woman who showed me I could love and not be ashamed of,

From a man I never knew I would recieve something as beautiful,

 And from a man who I saw his true form, I thank him for that.

 I saw Verrin’s servant (or slave or…whatever, can’t track the way he calls her!) Kimera lately. I… I wish her the best. It is what I should think right?

I also have a great news recently, Ysabelle is getting married to Kaste! I’m happy for her, but..it seems he has been missing. I wrote him a letter and I’m about to send him with Khan, I just hope he will find him. If the bastard went away because “Mister doesn’T want to have any kids” I kill him. Slowly and efficiently! But yes… Ysabelle told me he wants kids so…that doesn’t make sense.

It sounds fishy… as fishy as the succubus who’s in our rank. Alright I am the last one of the guild who knows it granted but sheesh! How can you even trust someone who’s job is to backstab you!?!

Anyway, I will write more tomorrow, for now I have to send that letter.

Hell if I knew, I have opened my heart to a woman.

I have met her a time ago but didn’t mention her, but she goes by the name of Meadhbh. A very nice name, and very suitable for this miss. She has…that something that makes you want to have fun and not think about anything else. Exactly what I need.

We sat and talked a moment, about our lives and our jobs. As ever, I didn’t tell a lot on myself, but I might tell her more eventually. We drank and chat there for a while, in the woods until made my flower bloom in the chill air. A gift, she said. She also said that she would not be mine only…

 Maybe years ago, I might have argued… but right now, I think this is just what I need. My heart is still aching over Ekram, my Love, and I am not ready to replace him. Oh…he would say that we never been faithful in body to each other but… I don’t know. He was so special…No. I can’t replace him.

I just want to have fun, for once.