I have lost so much these days that I had not the will to write it down.

I haven’t seen Fineas in ages, I assume he is dead.

I have lost Verrin -not per se, but the words I feared came out of his mouth- it is for the best…his best.

My dearest…I lost my dearest again. Ysabelle died in flames from an unknown assassin.

I also lost my mind in the process for a time…sinking into a blissful madness, where everyone was my enemy, a betrayer. It didn’t last long, but…still…it happened.

All of this happened.

 I want things to be alright again…is it so selfish? I would like a cease fire, a moment of calm, so I could be alone, but peaceful.

And so I have been to Shattrah City.

 The words are weak to describe the joy I have felt when I set foot in this marvelous land. I have seen free Naaru (the only way they should be) blessing their Children, the Dranaei.

I am sure, one day, I will be granted as one of the Scryers. This is my goal, my duty and my Life.

Lord Alkaiser summoned (well, not him per se, anyway) the members of the Silverguard to behold this piece of heaven. Many were shocked to the news he delivered…Achates looked afraid (…again…) and miss Fandaleen looked much more interested in the city itself (she wanted me to buy her specimen…!!!) I do not know how it will be from now on, but at least I can breathe.

After a fight in the tavern, we went back to Silvermoon. I then confessed to My Lord that I knew this…all along. I gave him my life, sure he would take it. Strangely enough, he didn’t. I… I don’t know what to think about it.

Let’s just wait and see.

I hate, hate when I am in the middle of a love affair.

 Especially when I’m not the one involved.

Ysabelle is confused between two men. I understand her though; when a woman has the choice between security and dangerous pleasure, it is always hard to choose. I know I would be the same as she is… in fact, I see a lot of me in her, and it fascinates me.

 I warned her about the danger, and now it is her decision and she knows I’ll be there for her, but I was afraid something bad would happen. She took more than her share of ale, and Alkaiser was in a similar situation. I didn’t want her to have the decision made for her this morning, and I tried to warn her over and over. Maybe it was percieved as overzealous, but I know too well those mornings, and I do not wish it for anyone. If you want to make a mistake, at least do it sober, that’s what I say.

Fineas came to my rescue again before he went to sleep. Geez, at this rate I’ll look like the damsel in distress… It is frustrating.

And that brand of the Silverguard is a pain… so many thoughts sent to me yesterday,  I had a horrible headache and I had to leave the Faire alone.

Speaking of Faire, I’ve seen Fandaleen (who looked much much more normal) and mister Achates. I don’t know if he hates me, or if he is really, really that nervous… But I know now that Fandaleen is very nice when she doesn’t speak about gnomes. When she does she looks just weird. And frightening…